Very few things happen during sex are a disaster if you do not choose to see it this way.
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.
The Journal of Sexual Therapy civil and recently reported that 1 in 4 of us are not happy with our sex life.
Problems with sex arise out of a combination of factors: for example lack of confidence, communication difficulties, inexperience and lack of skill, unrealistic expectations, refusal to take responsibility for our own sexual pleasure and
What many people are not aware of is that there are a vast amount of beliefs and opinions about sex that we all have and take with us into every sexual encounter.
For the most part, we are not aware of details of prejudices and expectations, but not these rigid beliefs examined have the potential to ruin any sexual experience.
FANTASIA sexual intimacy is an obstacle for many people, the best sexual experiences, they could, because they believe that the fantasy of masturbation should be limited and should not be a question of sex partners to prevent.
This could not be further from the truth.
Choose whether and when the desire to work with the private partner can be exhilarating.
Yet sharing is not the point of fantasy.
Imagination is everything to learn, discover what turns on and the potential to express your sexuality.
It is not unusual for women to have trouble reaching orgasm with a partner because of insufficient mental arousal.
You probably know how to reach the orgasm through masturbation, but she feels guilty about to enter the realm of fantasy, if his partner.
The ability to be intimate is enhanced by self-knowledge and confidence and the uninhibited expression and communication of fantasy can bring people closer together.
PENETRATION IS THE GOAL OF SEX
Concentrating on the destination rather than the journey is responsible for the burden placed upon men to ‘perform’ on demand but is only a part of a vastly wider area of sexual possibilities.
The penetration is often the subject of sex, but oral el manual sexual activity is probably at least as – and often more – satisfaction for a woman.
When penetration is seen as the ‘goal’ of sex, then foreplay becomes something that leads to proper sex, rather than being a pleasure in and of itself.
If sex reduces one race to the ejaculation man by penetration, then c is surprising that so many people find sex to be boring and uninterested.
It is more that the definitions of sex in our culture are shallow and trivialize the majesty and mystery that sex can be.
3 MORE SEX SEX means better quality, than quantity of sex can at different times, different.
It is unrealistic to expect that sex is always going to be mind-blowing and require a heavy investment of time and effort.
Diversity is the key.
Getting stuck in a predictable routine that both partners play out means that sometimes both quantity and quality suffer.
We are surrounded by misinformation about sex.
Surveys that tell us how often everybody is having sex (or more realistically, how often people say they are having sex) become methods of establishing a spurious norm of sexual activity that you may try to replicate.
The quality may suffer if you are too strong to increase the amount of your sexual experience.
Many people feel under pressure to have a lot of sex but this does not mean that they are going to be a better lover or have better sex.
It simply means that they have more sex.
Compulsive sexual behaviour can be detrimental to your sense of who you are, what you have to offer, your work, relationships.
Can the sex of the low-grade form.
Comparing yourself with your perceptions of other people’s sex lives is always a destructive mode to get into.
L only thing that matter to you should your sexual happiness.
4 I AM JUST NOT A VERY SEXUAL PERSON
Loss of sexual desire is a common concern for many people and it is an issue that has no single cause.
If you have persistent thoughts feel unworthy, unloved, unwanted, and unworthy of good sex, not attractive enough, you may be able to convince that you are not very sexual.
Everybody has sexual energy and the capacity to express and enjoy a fulfilling sex life.
What may happen is that your negative thoughts about yourself means that you lose contact with the sex and you begin to feel disconnected with your sexuality.
Identifying the internal self-talk that is damaging your sexual expression enables you to begin to re-connect with your sexuality and believe that you are no different to anyone else: you deserve and are entitled to sexual happiness.
You need the way you think about yourself or your label is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you are looking for evidence to back up a belief, you can always find it.
It does not make it right or true.
It just means you see what you want to see, whatever helps you feel comfortable – even this is only the comfort to be found in what is safe, unchallenging and familiar.
5. Beautiful people have better sex.
Sex begins in the brain and sexual attraction and energy feed off of factors other than physical appearance.
L If you love, you\#39;re much more your body.
This belief feeds off the comparisons you make between yourself and other people.
Beautiful people have more successful relationships, nor do they have a better sex life.
Sexual fulfillment is about self-acceptance.
The way you feel your body is obvious to other people and can make sex a pleasure or a disaster.
The danger with this belief is that you start to play the game of ‘If only’.
If I only thinner, more attractive, more sexually adventurous was, then I can have the sex life I want.
When you make your dreams dependent upon some other change, then you reduce the chances that you will find the courage to make any changes at all.
It gain nothing by waiting.
You need to start taking action to change now.
L body image and the things you tell your sexual attractiveness are important factors influencing the sexual happiness.
Whilst valuing your own desirability makes quality sex more achievable, loving your looks alone is no guarantee of a deeper and more solid sense of self-esteem.
They feel desirable, but empty of desire.
Self-acceptance and learning to love yourself extends beyond appreciating your attractiveness and incorporates an acknowledgment and respect of who you are, what you stand for and what you contribute to the world and other people.
6 The children must first.
Many couples experience a decrease in their sexual satisfaction after they have had children.
Conviction that the needs of the child must always possible in the first place indicate that the total lack of privacy, time, energy and commitment of sex is a distant memory.
Having children is a stressful time for every couple and the relationship dynamic will change.
Balancing love and attention to your children and your partner is a challenge must be met head.
Couples with young children need time alone to focus on each other’s needs and desires.
You need to listen to and respect the al other and discover their sexual situation what it is.
Being a mother or a father does not mean that you have to give up being yourself.
It important limitations to know and share with your children, and accept that their parents expect privacy at times and not to take always ready to meet the needs of their child upon request.
SEX is not a joke game, being silly and laughing are all great opportunities to deepen to increase sexual pleasure and intimacy.
Some people believe that sex must be, can only be, ‘romantic’ and so attach a great deal of earnestness to the experience.
It learn the benefits of facilitation.
When sex cannot incorporate elements of play, it is often an indication of an impoverished emotional connection.
As usual, it is difficult to bring the fun of sex, even if you feel a bit # 39, first forced.
When sex is viewed as about achievement and competition, then lightness and frivolity are likely to be absent.
Remember that sex is about what works for you and can prevent the maintenance and foolish play a role of sex, sex becomes stale and predictable.
Sex must be a generous act, I want to satisfy their sexual needs good sex is generous and selfish.
Most people do get turned on by their partner’s arousal and this is fantastic but if you put all your energy into finding out what she/he wants, what about you? Who is giving you what you need? Being prepared to get your own needs met is an indication that you are willing to take care of yourself, rather than relying upon other people to meet your unmet and perhaps unvoiced desires.
sexual communication is all about clarity, say what you think and feel.
It is also about setting boundaries, discussing what you do not like and both parties must be able to say no and for this to be accepted.
If you have sex because they do not hurt the feelings of else to think about what you do.
Honour yourself and what you want and share any feelings of ambivalence.
This means that the level of intimacy can remain high and misunderstandings are not the way to distort your relationship to your partner, where.
L premature ejaculation is a sign of a bad lover.
Being unable to control ejaculation is a worry for many men.
The most practical, even if you had an orgasm, do not let your partner high and dry.
Often feelings of shame, failure and anticipating your partner’s disappointment mean that his orgasm means the end of sex.
We return to your perception of what sex can expand and not slaves to ideas about sexuality that are prevalent in our culture.
In terms of his sexual pleasure, learning how to manage his anxiety about performance and being able to talk to a partner are the most effective ways of building sexual confidence.
Some of the informal strategies, popular in our culture, these do more harm than.
For example, trying to delay ejaculation by distracting yourself with non-sexual thoughts will do little to enhance your sexual pleasure.
This strategy is more of a feeling of dissociation from his body for him and the situation he is creating in.
It may help him to delay ejaculation (although this is debatable) but consciously focusing away from your physical pleasure is unlikely to facilitate peak sexual experiences.
Emotional is present during sex is important for the sensitization el # 39; sexual intimacy.
It is a far more successful strategy for a man to learn about how to control his ejaculation than to continue to consciously create emotional distance from his partner and the sexual experience.
Exploration of tantric sex is a good way to get the ability to # 39 learn to control to distinguish male ejaculation in the teaching methods, enabling it to between orgasm el # 39; ejaculation.
Contrary to popular belief they are not the same thing!
L erection is the same as sexual arousal, this is a difficult idea for many people to get around their heads.
Sexual arousal happens within a context that is emotional, physiological and visual.
When you think about the nature of desire and attraction to recognize that it is not always a purely physical reaction involves the idiosyncratic preferences and sometimes unpredictable.
Sexual desire just does not exist without a sexual context.
It is confirmed / reduced emotions and thoughts that accompany them, which at all times.
Men have erections of varying hardness according to how they are thinking and feeling at the time.
L erection does not necessarily mean that a man in full or even a little has aroused.
He may become erect without feeling particularly sexy.
For men who are not sure the means of maintaining their erection, erectile excitement, often confused with sex in a hurry before they are fully finished.
If you habitually move from low arousal into sex, desire may well start to decrease.
Part of the reason for this is that many men can lose the # 39, erection if they do not act immediately on its presence.
Having sex in an atmosphere of fear and insecurity is not going to give you the best sexual experiences that you are capable of having.
There are many things that men learn to have more confidence and control over their erections and ejaculations, instead of ignoring their uncertainty and can deprive the great sexual experiences.
Whenever your decisions and actions are motivated by fear and uncertainty, you are selling yourself short in some way or another.
Many men are unsure whether their joy comes from having sex el experience a lack of understanding about your body, they are aware that their body does get excited.
If you are committed to gaining ore control over your ejaculatory response, invest in some of the many interesting and informative guides that enable men to delay ejaculation and become more connected with their sexual potential.
There are many other myths that people turn sex life.
Whenever you find yourself thinking ‘he / she / I should / must / ought .
hear, probably to the needs of a myth that sex takes you away from what you do and think and ask you to follow what other people do and feel.
When are you going to listen to and follow you own rules?
Recognise that the thoughts that you have affect the sex life that you create.
Know that you can choose how we think and change you to the # 39, self-acceptance , respect for your own sexual experiences and ease, l voltage and current in the way, choose express themselves sexually.
© Dr Tara Few, The UK Sex Coach, 2007